At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
