cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think my moral compass just broke
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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