Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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