She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
