Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This baby is an asshole
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize