Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
