she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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