I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize