SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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