I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
