Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
