I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
