it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
