When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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