did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
