If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
