I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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