all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am midnight drunk by noon
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
