my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
