Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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