A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
