is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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