here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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