Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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