My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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