Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
