I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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