bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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