you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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