what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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