Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.