She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.