I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked