Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
