Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Green mimosas i think yes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
