I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
