Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
