Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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