i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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