Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize