ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
