Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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