I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
