He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
