They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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