I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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