i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
