We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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