Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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