god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
