I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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