2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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