Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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