yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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