what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
