Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
