What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
