you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
