So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want to be your penis for a week.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Randomize
