Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
