My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.