one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left