he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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