I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
