I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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