she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You are a genius and a whore.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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