I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
